the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
