Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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