Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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