Say something about gay babies.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
