The maid of honor just puked.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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