she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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