well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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