So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
