so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
