somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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