Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
