I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
