I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
