I will die if light touches me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
