Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
