so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
