I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
