So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I booty called her while she was in labor.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
