I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
