tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
