But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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