he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
