i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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