Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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