Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
