hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize