just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
