I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
