it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
