If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
