Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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