haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
