your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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