I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
