If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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