I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
