what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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