My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
