I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize