Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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