You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
