Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
