Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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