I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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