he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
