Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
