I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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