I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize