I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
