how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
