i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
