i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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