hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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