What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
