so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
