Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize