i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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