he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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