i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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