my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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