Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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