she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
