She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
