You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sext me about skeletons
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
