Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
