If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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