I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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