I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
