I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
