She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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