If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize