tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize