i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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