I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
