dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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