Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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